20 Ways to Know When to Break Up


20. Would you die for them?

A lot of people wouldn’t die for anyone. Obviously, if you would sacrifice your life for your partner’s, your relationship is leaning in a positive direction. If not, hmm.

19. If you don’t put them first

A lot of times, when you really love someone, you put their happiness, safety and priorities ahead of your own. If you don’t do that, you may just be a bit selfish, or you may be in a relationship with the wrong person, yourself.

18. It’s a constant struggle

Relationships aren’t supposed to be a constant struggle. Good relationships don’t need to be.

17. Bad Model

Think about your parent’s relationship. If they had a bad or abusive relationship, if you didn’t get along with your father or mother, remember people often look for what they’re used to when they look for a partner. Does your relationship with your partner remind you of the unfortunate relationship your parents had? Does your partner remind you of someone who hurt you, or abused you in the past? 

People are like computers. We become programmed with an ideal partner, an ideal relationship. If the relationships we witnessed when we were young were severely flawed, or the people were mal contents, abrasive or abusive, that is often the model we will go looking for.
Be aware that if you have found a bad model again, if history is repeating itself, this is not correct. This is a cycle of dysfunction, which is difficult to overcome, but needs to be broken.

16. When you come back to them

Quick! When you first walk in the door, or they stride in, what’s the first feeling that grips you? It should be happiness, excitement or love. If it’s dissatisfaction, turmoil or boredom, you’re on the wrong track.

15. What do you tell other people?

If you’re not the type of person who says things they don’t mean, or talks about someone behind their back and yet you find yourself telling others you want to leave your partner, or bad-mouthing them behind their back, you clearly must be fairly unhappy in the relationship.

14. Not wanting to introduce your partner to friends or family

This could indicate that you’re ashamed of your partner, which is clearly not a good basis for a relationship.

13. Not doing the little things

It’s the little things that often show most clearly that you love someone. When you make them their favorite drink without them having to ask, call, open doors, write little romantic notes, etc. it shows how much you care. If you’re not doing the little things, it may just mean you don’t have a romantic bone in your body, or it may be telling you you’re not inspired by your current partner.

12. Tuning out your partner

Men especially are notoriously bad listeners, but if you find yourself frequently tuning out your partner while they talk, you obviously seem to have a minimal interest in them.

11. Lack of libido

If you have no physical passion for your partner, that may be a sign that the mental passion for them is missing as well.

10. Do a word-map and if there are more unflattering words and associations than flattering ones

Simple word association can give your subconscious a chance to tell you what your conscious may be attempting to deny. If you make a word map, or simply list a bunch of adjectives to describe your lover and find too many of them are unflattering, hmm.

9. Frequent fighting

Some people fight frequently and love each other and would still never give up their relationship, but for many who prefer to live without a lot of stress and drama, they realize that bickering and fighting is not necessarily part of having a relationship. Constant fighting is one of the surest signs that it’s time to move on.

8. If holding hands and other PDAs make you uncomfortable

Some people are just uncomfortable with public displays of affection, but if you’re not normally uncomfortable with PDAs, perhaps you are uncomfortable revealing to the world you are with this person, because deep down you’re ashamed.

7. If your partner doesn’t pleasantly occupy your thoughts when you’re apart

When you’re away from your partner and you miss them and they keep popping up in your mind to pleasantly entertain your thoughts, that’s great! If you either don’t think of them at all, or are hoping for excuses to prolong your time away from them, that is not so great.

6. If you would rather spend most of your time doing other things

Are you finding reasons to stay away, staying extra hours at work, spending more time with friends? It’s good and healthy to have hobbies and some hobbies can become obsessive simply because you love them so much, but if you’re looking to your hobbies as a frequent alibi to keep you out of the clutches of your significant other, you are probably better off ending the relationship.

5. If a list of pros and cons reveals more cons


Enough said!

4. Lacking Respect

If you don’t respect your partner, you should either re-consider them in a way that allows you to respect them, or keep on keeping on. Don’t be with someone you don’t respect. It’s bad karma.

3. Have trouble saying, “I love you”

If you don’t want to tell your partner you love them, because you don’t feel it, what does that tell you?

2. If your vision of your ideal future doesn’t include that person in a positive way

Where do you see yourself 5 years from now, or 10 years from now? Imagine yourself in a fairly idealized situation. You are happy. Who are you with? If it is not who you are with in real life now, maybe it is time to push restart.

1. If you’re not happy most of the time and it’s because you’d be happier alone or with someone else

Constantly thinking you would be happier alone, or better off with someone else? Everyone in every relationship probably mulls those thoughts at times, but if those thoughts are persistent or clearer yet, constant, you should probably look elsewhere.




By Evan Marquisee
March 2, 2015

Comments sent

1 comment(s).
Wow! - 8/2/2015 9:10:12 PM
Thank you!
Just read your article about living at home while you embark on your start-up business date Tuesday, June 1st, 2004.
But as God would have it I now know why. I was supposed to read this check list.
Thank you!

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