Bullies

Bullies are people who like to intimidate other people. They abuse others verbally, mentally, or physically.

Bullies are often disliked, feared and even loathed by their victims.Bullies make people’s lives miserable across the world and they come in all ages, shapes and sizes. Bullies are a frequent and fundamental problem, especially for today’s youth.

However, bullies are frequently misconstrued, misinterpreted and misunderstood. Instead of being loathed and feared, it might make more sense to respond to bullies with sympathy, empathy and understanding.

They are not in need of your fear, though it’s often what they seek. What they really need is your help.

You see, bullies act out and impose themselves on other people, because they perceive important things in their own lives, which seem beyond their control. They are seeking to exert influence, fear and control over others to make up for their feelings of powerlessness in their own lives. This is the ultimate truth behind the actions of most bullies.

This is why bullies may have beautiful girlfriends, lots of money, or nice cars; they may even be popular, but no matter how much they pretend, they are still unhappy people and perhaps, deserving of your pity.

If you doubt the validity of this, ask yourself; “Why would someone who’s completely and utterly happy, waste copious amounts of time and energy trying to make someone else miserable?”

Sure, many of you say, “That’s what makes them happy!” But consider that the vast majority of people are certainly not made happy by causing misery in other people’s lives. That is for a rare breed of pure sadist and those are much less common than simple bullies.

You see, bullies torture others for a number of reasons and one of the chief among them is jealousy. A bully may feel that everyone else is happily coasting through life and they may seek to trip up others, who seem to be having an easier run than themselves, just as they feel they have been tripped up by a life that seems beyond their control.

Now, it should soothe you to know that no matter how much a bully tortures you, the cage they find themselves in, is almost assuredly worse.

But you may still say, “Even so, she’s making my life miserable! She makes fun of me every day! She steals my things and hides them! The situation is terrible! I need help.”

Okay, so help yourself.

 “And how do I do that,” you ask.

You do that by helping your enemy.

Subconsciously, your bully has been crying out for help. They are even more desperate for some kind of assistance than you. Be sure of it.

Many bullies don’t even understand these truths themselves, but inside, they are tired of screaming out in loneliness, frustration and fear.

So if you want to help yourself, you need to attempt to help this pitiable bully, who has been making your life miserable.

But you may say, “I don’t want to help my bully. I hate my bully!”

First of all, you probably want to fix your problem and to do that, the best way is to help your bully.

Secondly, Logical Spiritualism dictates that one of the principals of an enlightened life is to help others and like them or not, your bully definitely counts as one of the others.

Thirdly, chances are that you really don’t hate your bully. You hate what they’re doing. Perhaps if they hadn’t tried to make your life hell, you might’ve even become friends.

And finally, helping your bully might help you in ways you don’t realize. You might make a new friend. You might gain the respect of your peers, or you might just impress yourself with your enhanced courage and ability to adapt.

But you may still complain, “Okay, okay. I’ll try to help my bully, but how the hell do I know how to solve my bully’s problems, my bully’s apathy and my bully’s unhappiness?”

Ah, but you’re missing the point. You don’t need to solve their problems, you only need to make a legitimate effort to try to help them, not out of fear, or obligation, but because you want to.

Whether you fix the bully’s problems or not is actually irrelevant. Generally, you can’t fix someone else’s problems and if you somehow manage to, they would’ve usually been better off fixing those problems themselves anyway.

However, there are a couple of complications.

First, as was said earlier, you must want to help the bully out of empathy and desire to assist another human being. Doing it solely to avoid your issues with the bully, as a tactic, or doing it out of pity, probably won’t work.

Secondly, one of the worst things you could possibly do is make this attempt to help your bully in front of others. This must be done privately. Sure, it could be done over the phone, but it’s better to do it face to face.

Trying to assist your bully privately will help demonstrate that you don’t have ulterior motives and you’re not trying to mock, embarrass, or humiliate them. Doing it privately will also help avoid coming across as condescending.

With this approach, it is likely that your bully will be shocked, not only that you’re standing up to them, but also that you appear to be taking a genuine interest in their wellbeing, especially after they’ve been so mean to you. What will baffle them even more is that you seem to have some, nearly otherworldly knowledge of their weighty problems, which it’s doubtful they’ve shared with you.

Suddenly, your bully sees you as an enigma. They can’t figure you out. They’re trying to understand if you can really be nice enough to try to help them and why. They’re trying to figure out if they can trust you.

These are the critical moments, which cannot be shared with your bully around other people. If other people are present, your bully will think that you’re putting on a show to impress your peers, while belittling them in front of everyone. The bully is also uncomfortable bringing his or her dark secrets into the light, so if you publicly expose their problems, weakness and guilt, the bully’s anger and resentment toward you will only increase.

Keep in mind, as farfetched as it may seem, there’s a good chance that this bully is picking on you, because he/she wants to be your friend.

Most of us go through a phase in our childhood development, during which, we pick on the other children we like. We chase them around and knock them down and are constantly taking their toys. Some people grow out of that stage a lot later than others.

Here’s a true story, which can serve as an example…

Two high school boys were waiting at the same bus stop. One of them always picked on the other, throwing him to the ground and sitting on him, ruffling his hair, etc.

The other boy, who was the victim of the minor, but very visible abuse, was larger, stronger and faster. He tolerated his accoster as a bull tolerates a fly buzzing about his head.

But one day, the larger boy’s father accompanied him to wait for the bus. The boy’s father watched the smaller boy throw his son down and dog him.

Later that night, the father asked his son, “Why do you let that boy do that to you? You’re bigger than he is. I’m sure you could stop him from doing that to you.”

The son agreed with his father with a shrug of his shoulders. “Sure,” he said.
“Well then, why don’t you do something? Why don’t you fight back?”

“Because he’s not really hurting me and it’s not a big deal. What difference does it make,” the son asked.

The father was a little incredulous; perhaps thinking his son might be a coward, rather than a bull.

Another reason the son had not fought back, was that he didn’t know if it was an acceptable reaction. He had never been in that situation before and had been told that fighting was wrong. He didn’t want to get in trouble himself. Still, the son realized that the situation bothered his father and it was true that it had become an annoyance to him as well.

The next day, when the smaller boy harassed his larger peer, the taller boy turned the tables, throwing the other bully to the ground and making it absolutely clear that he could dominate the other boy whenever he felt like it.

The other children at the bus stop watched the action and as the bus arrived, the children on the bus also saw what was happening. They got on the bus.

The smaller boy was from a worse neighborhood and a lower social class. He had been in fights before. 

The taller boy was a good student from a middle-class family, who never got in trouble. He wondered what the street-smart boy would tell people to save face about being publically manhandled.

Meanwhile, some of the children on the bus went to the tall boy. “Wow, you really kicked his ass, huh,” they asked. “No,” said the tall boy. “It was no big deal. We were just fooling around” and this was true, because no blows had been thrown.

Over the next few days, to everyone’s surprise, especially the tall boy, instead of looking for revenge, his former bully essentially asked him why he hadn’t bragged about their “fight” and after the tall boy gave him the same answer he had given the other children, the two quickly became best friends.

Of course, this perfect turn-out won’t happen in every situation. Bullies and their victims won’t become best friends everywhere across the world, upon immediate use of the Logical Spiritualism system, but it certainly has happened and it will happen again.

Most of the time, this system will work. If it doesn’t, here’s what to do…

In the case of verbal abuse…

1.    Attempt to help your enemy. If this fails, you will want to seize control of the damaging power in the relationship.

2.    Words can be like knives and they can hurt, but words can also just be meaningless sounds with no effect whatsoever. You have the power to decide if words hurt you, or not and you have the ability to seize control of these weapons.

3.    Once you realize you can control words, you should realize that using words against the bully will only escalate the situation.

The bully has been hurting you by saying bad things about you. What is intuitive and what most people would do is say hurtful words back to the bully, but this only brings bad karma and is likely to bring more of the same type of problems.

Instead of engaging in a battle of words, you are a Logical Spiritualist, so you will be smarter…

4.    You will seize control in the conflict. You won’t do this with threats, or retaliatory words, you will do this by demonstrating your endurance, resiliency and control in the best way possible.

You will insult yourself openly, more harshly than the bully had previously done. 

Initially, this may sound stupid, but it has several advantages…

First, if you insult yourself more harshly, it shows that you can take all your bully can dish out and more. For them, there’s no point in continuing to insult you, because they’ll be nothing more than a backseat to your own abuse.

Secondly, many bullies don’t have the highest mental faculty. If they did, maybe they would have figured out a way to get out of their own plight, instead of getting so frustrated and bitter that they take their unhappiness out on you. So, by rattling off a string of super-harsh insults aimed solely at yourself, you will exhaust their mental facility to insult you.

They can’t repeat the insults you’ve already used. They will be forced to come up with new material that surpasses your own, in order for them to remain in control. If they can’t think of anything so detrimental on the spot, they’ll quit.

Most bullies will be unable to come up with the newer, harsher and more innovative insults required to keep up with you and even if they could, it would just be tossing twigs onto a raging fire. It really adds nothing and makes them look silly if they continue.

Finally, you can achieve the same confusion factor that you obtain by trying to help your bullies, if you insult yourself harshly. Your bully has been insulting you for some time. It’s obvious that their insults have bothered you and gotten under your skin, but now, unbeknownst to them, you are a Logical Spiritualist and their insults no longer have an effect on you.

Stranger still, you are now insulting yourself more venomously than they ever did and this also doesn’t seem to bother you. You say the things and let them roll off your shoulders, since you know in your heart that what you’re saying isn’t true.

Your bully will be dumbfounded in trying to ascertain the situation and figure out what changed your behavior and derailed the effects of their abuse.

The bully is also likely to gain a new level of respect for you on several fronts.

First, they can no longer hurt you with their verbal taunts, so they will assume your mental strength and endurance have increased.

Secondly, they may be impressed with your ability to berate yourself and your willingness to do so.

Thirdly, as you show that you’re very effective at dishing out insults, they will have a certain level of appreciation and gratitude that you’ve declined to level your onslaught at yourself, instead of them, especially because they know they deserve it.

Finally, they’ll realize that if they thought you were simple and they had you all figured out, they were wrong. You’ve done the last thing they would’ve expected and if they want to continue harassing you, it’s back to the drawing board for them. They’re going to have to try to figure you out from square one.

For example; a bully draws back his fist and acts like he’s going to hit you. You flinch and it allows the bully to call you a coward in front of all your peers. You’re humiliated.

The common response is to deny you’re a coward, and then the bully will continue to insist that you are and the situation will escalate, usually resulting in the bully making you look silly, frustrated and ineffective.

But using the Logical Spiritualism approach; the bully calls you a coward and you feel embarrassed, but instead of getting into a verbal battle with the bully about whether you’re a coward or not, which is probably impossible for you to win, you use the smart approach.

You say, “Of course I’m a coward! I’m so scared, I can’t even get up in the morning. I can’t put on my own clothes. They terrify me! You scared me. My mom scares me. My dog is downright terrifying. I crapped my pants twice on the way to school and I still wet my bed every night.”

At this point, the bully and any of your peers, who are watching are shocked by your response. They’re straining their minds to figure out where you’re coming from. Any on-lookers are amused. The bully is dumbfounded and trying to figure out what to do next to try to regain control.

You tell the bully, “Thanks for pointing out my cowardice to everyone,” and then to any onlookers, “Yes, I am a coward. I just wanted to make sure you know that,” and then you take a quick bow and change the subject, acting like nothing ever happened.

Chances are, the bully will just say something like, “you’re a retard,” and walk away. They won’t know what to do. You’ve completely taken away the power and control in the altercation and eliminated all of their ability to attack you. 

Now, incidents with violent bullying are different, because of the more serious potential consequences involved.

1.    First, try to disarm the situation by helping your bully.

2.    If trying to help your tormentor doesn’t work, parent to parent intervention is a possibility. Your parents could go to the bully’s parents to ask that they correct their child’s behavior. If that doesn’t work, your parents could also go to the school and demand the detrimental behavior be stopped.

3.    If options 1 & 2 fail, it’s time for option three. Draw your line. The victim tells the bully that it’s over and they’re not going to accept the abuse any more. Such a statement could go something like this…

“Listen to me very closely. I will NOT allow you to keep harassing me, so stop. This is my last warning.”

The typical response to such a demand is, “Or what?”

The answer could be, “Or nothing. I’m telling you to stop.”

Or… “Or you won’t like the answer.”

If steps 1 through 3 all fail, then you have a difficult choice to make.

Because mankind has become a societal creature, the next step is to go through proper channels, which would be the law enforcement system; either the police, or legal action from an attorney.

It’s possible that the legal system could solve your problem, but it’s doubtful that the bully will learn, or improve from this solution. They are likely to resent you even more. You may also lose face with your peers.

The advantage of taking legal defense against your bully is that it is probably safer, both physically and legally and it follows in-line the more typical expectations of our society.

However, there is another way; the old way, when there weren’t so many words on papers and there weren’t men with golden badges and blue pajamas who you could run to for help.

The other way is violent retribution. It is not widely accepted by society.

If the bully has tortured you severely and the retribution you’re planning involves Logical Spiritualism’s Rage Amplification Principle, instead of an open ended warning, your warning statement might be,  “Stop harassing me, or I’m going to teach you a lesson.”

In Logical Spiritualism, violence is always a last resort.

However, unwarranted physical violence, which is directed towards you, also can’t be allowed to continue, so if negotiation efforts fail, parents don’t step in and your warning statement isn’t enough to deter your tormentor, you may consider taking physical action to defend yourself.

After all, you’re not a sheep. You’re not a balloon waiting for a pin to pop you. You’re a Logical Spiritualist and Logical Spiritualists know, Violence has been a natural part of the universe and our circle of life, since the beginning of time.

Violence is not inherently bad, if it is properly justified. Your right to life, freedom and good health are proper justification, so don’t feel skittish about defending yourself physically, when necessary.

Pacifists like to believe that peace is always the answer. That’s a wonderful sentiment, but sometimes when there’s a violent juggernaut and it doesn’t put the breaks on for the flower parade, it may be time to get your hands dirty.

There are times, only as a last resort, when you must meet a force by generating a force of your own, which is equal to, or greater than the original. This may be one of those times.

In the case of most bullies, they don’t expect to be met head-on. Most bullies are actually cowards, who would prefer to shy away from a head to head confrontation.

Many times, physically opposing a bully’s tyranny will result in the bully’s retreat, rather than in a violent confrontation.



Comments sent

1 comment(s).
Francisco - 12/10/2013 5:26:27 PM
well I dislike bullies allot coming from someone that was bullied for 6 years but dint affects a lot. the best way to deal with this is telling your parents or a teacher or the principal or maybe talk to him maybe there something bad happening with his family. The other thing I want to talk is about cbyerbullies that shit for me doesn't exist because en a pas you can turn it off and there's no more bulling. Bulling is very bad and would consider a very bad penalty.

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